You must picture me alone in that room in Magdalen, night after night, feeling, whenever my mind lifted even for a second from my work, the steady, unrelenting approach of Him whom I so earnestly desired not to meet. That which I greatly feared had at last come upon me. In the Trinity Term of 1929 I gave in, and admitted that God was God, and knelt and prayed: perhaps, that night, the most dejected and reluctant convert in all England.It sounds incredibly similar both in feeling and action. God wanted me to hit bottom. Not for him, but so I would see Him. I had been blind and deaf, stupid and ignorant.
My best friend told me of her similar experience and I relate her advice, and my 'awakening' with these words, 'I was trying to find myself by looking to the core of my humanity. I was looking in the wrong place. There is fault in being human. It is the Divinity within me that I must listen to, trust completely."